Living Our Core Values: Bereavement Ministry Extends Compassion

When a young woman graduates from Marian, she becomes part of an alumna network of more than 10,000 women. For some, the Marian sisterhood carries forward throughout life; for others, high school is a distant memory. Most alumnae expect to celebrate reunions and receive correspondence from their alma mater. Few alumnae expect to see their Marian biology teacher at a family member’s funeral. At a time when it’s most needed, Marian’s bereavement ministry models the core value of compassion to alumnae.   

Sr. Joan Houtekier, OSM, was as a Marian teacher and administrator for 13 years. Today she serves as an outreach minister on the advancement staff at Marian. Her primary responsibility is attending visitations or funerals of alumnae and their families. This ministry to alumnae is a reminder that they are still part of the Marian community. 

In the mid-90s, Betsy Kish, then principal of Marian, initiated the bereavement ministry program. She enlisted the help of the Servants of Mary along with Marian’s alumnae director. The plan was to research the local obituaries to find and attend the funerals of alumnae and their families. The research also helps keep alumnae records current, but its primary mission is compassion at a time of loss.  

Betsy herself attended many Marian community funerals accompanied by Sr. Margarita Simon+. Through the years, Sr. Suzanne Vandenheede+, Sr. Florence Brinker+ and Sr. Marianna De Simone+ also assisted with the ministry. Year by year, the program grew into a full-time task. Today, the research is conducted by Chris Marfisi Vacanti ’66. 

Sr. Joan attends the service of alumnae and their families to offer Marian’s prayers and support; she also follows up by phone a month after the funeral and provides resources on grief. A follow-up letter is sent to mark the first anniversary. In return, she receives notes of gratitude from alumnae who are touched that Marian would be present at such a difficult time. “It has a great impact on alumnae who may not have had much engagement with Marian since their graduation,” said Sr. Joan. 

Every November, in keeping the church’s tradition to honor the dead, Marian’s alumnae board hosts a Memorial Mass and brunch. The Mass is open to all who have lost a loved one, at any time. The names of those alumnae, faculty, staff and Servants of Mary who have died within the year are read aloud. Some families attend every year to honor their loved one. This year’s Memorial Mass was held Nov. 3 in the Our Lady of Sorrows chapel.

As Marian’s alumnae base grows and early graduates enter their senior years, the number of funerals has increased. There are weeks when Sr. Joan attends as many as 10 funerals, but she is grateful for this ministry. “I often see our alumnae at funerals who have come to support their classmates, which is very inspiring,” said Sr. Joan.